Living deliberately

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.”

— Henry David Thoreau

He expresses a strong desire for independence from anything that is not an essential fact of life. The first and most important choice a human has is to choose to either live or to die. In principle we are free to die, but we choose to live. After this choice comes the overwhelming amount of work required to live. There are three essentials to life: food, air, and water. Beyond that is all hearsay and subjective experiences. These are the prices we pay for living. The world has evolved to a point where these three are not guaranteed for everyone, and that makes things complicated.

But if life was only about survival, I would have chosen death. Life has more to it. A thing that you can generally feel as a tingling sensation in your heart. The feeling that intensifies as I read these words: “sucking the marrow out of life”. The feeling that manifests in forms of flow state, intense romantic desire, pleasure of finding things out, the sheer joy of dancing your heart out, singing your lungs out at a concert.

This fills you with a strange feeling of content for no reason. That tingling feeling is the real drug. I am hooked on it. It is tricky to persist that feeling forever. It is the reason why I chose to live every day. The Bhagavad Gita says to work without thinking about the result. Be selfless and dedicate all your actions, achievements, and possessions to God. All my actions are dedicated to this feeling. If you say that this feeling is my god, then I am doing great according to the Bhagavad Gita. This feeling is a very interesting thing in itself. It is hard to generate it. You can not force it. There is no guarantee I will have this tomorrow. It's like it has a mind of its own. The same thing that can generate that today, might not be enough tomorrow. In all my choices I chose this feeling. All my actions are based on those choices. This feeling is my hedonic treadmill, and I chose this. My choice is not very Spartan as Mr Thoreau, but I am glad that I have my own voice in the matter.